🔗 Share this article

Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Restroom comedy has traditionally served as the comfort zone for daily publications, and we are always mindful to significant toilet tales and historic moments, particularly within football. Readers were entertained to learn that an online journalist Adrian Chiles has a West Brom-themed urinal within his residence. Consider the situation for the Barnsley fan who understood the bathroom rather too directly, and was rescued from a deserted Oakwell after falling asleep on the loo at half-time during a 2015 defeat by Fleetwood. “His footwear was missing and had lost his mobile phone and his headwear,” explained a representative from Barnsley fire services. And everyone remembers when, at the height of his fame playing for City, the Italian striker entered a community college to use the facilities in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, before entering and requesting directions to the restrooms, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” an undergraduate shared with local Manchester media. “Subsequently he wandered through the school like he owned the place.”

The Lavatory Departure

Tuesday represents 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as England manager after a brief chat in a toilet cubicle alongside FA executive David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, following that infamous 1-0 defeat against Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the historic stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, his confidential FA records, he stepped into the wet troubled England locker room immediately after the match, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams motivated, both players begging for the official to reason with Keegan. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies located him seated – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the corner of the dressing room, muttering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to rescue the scenario.

“Where on earth could we find for confidential discussion?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with an England manager as players dived into the water. Only one option presented itself. The lavatory booths. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history occurred in the ancient loos of an arena marked for removal. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I shut the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Aftermath

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, subsequently confessing he considered his period as Three Lions boss “empty”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I struggled to occupy my time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It's a tremendously tough role.” The English game has progressed significantly during the last 25 years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers are no longer present, although a German now works in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Real-Time Coverage

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for Women's major tournament coverage regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Quote of the Day

“We stood there in a lengthy line, in just our underwear. We were Europe’s best referees, premier athletes, inspirations, adults, parents, strong personalities with strong principles … however all remained silent. We barely looked at each other, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina inspected us completely with an ice-cold gaze. Mute and attentive” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes officials were once put through by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“How important is a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss called ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to manage the main squad. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and distributed some merchandise, I have decided to put finger to keypad and offer a concise remark. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the schoolyard with youngsters he anticipated would defeat him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|